“To reflect that each one who enters imagines himself to be the first to enter whereas he is always the last term of a preceding series even if the first term of a succeeding one, each imagining himself to be first, last, only and alone whereas he is neither first nor last nor only nor alone in a series of originating in and repeated to infinity.”
-James Joyce, Ulysses
As unique as my time abroad feels to me, I believe that many foreigners who have moved to India walk away with similar emotions, lessons, and experiences.* I have avoided summing up my year and half in India because for this reason it feels trite, and because I’ve been crippled by the immense weight of the questions: how have you changed, and what have you learned?
But today I decided to get over it. To do so, I’m going to focus on the predominant theme of my Indian life. I could weave this theme quasi-poetically throughout the writing, but instead, I’m going to be direct. As Ira Glass, my close friend whom I’ve never met and does not know that I exist, would say: the theme of today’s show is change, and it will be coming to you in three acts…
Act I: Delusion of Permanence
Act II: Growth
Act III: The World
Act I: Delusion of Permanence
To start at the beginning briefly, it was pretty easy for me to move to India, so don’t give me too much credit. It wasn’t hard for two reasons: 1). I really wanted it. 2). I embrace change like a great airport farewell. This tendency began when I heard the Buddhist tenet: “all suffering results from the delusion of permanence.” Since then, I not only recognize change’s inevitability, but I specifically seek change out. This is a self-defense mechanism: aha! If you’re so inevitable Sir Change, I am going to beat you to the punch! Yet, this also makes me feel like I’m Thoreau, sucking all the marrow out of life. (Who doesn’t love allusions to transcendentalism?) Getting back on track here, I easily adjusted to the starkly different life in rural India. Yes, yes I had challenges - did I tell you that in Maharashtra I was sleeping on the concrete floor of a room with no electricity or running water but plenty of insects, critters, and extreme heat? But so what? One billion people live like that and you don’t hear them whine like a spoiled expat. I put a lot of effort into assimilation (remember the double doors?), but I loved it. I really really loved it.
So when it comes to change, if you can’t avoid it, create it.
Act II: Growth
There is no doubt that I moved to India to visit the Taj Mahal. Nope. Didn’t see it. However, I did move so that I could try using business to combat poverty and so that I could grow and improve as a person. So did I change? The truth of the matter is that I’m still me. Only I have a few more lessons in my pocket, a broader worldview in my head, and an awareness in my heart that the world is so, so good to me, and so, so harsh to many.
Besides knowing how fortunate I am, what are some of those personal lessons I’ve pocketed away? I’ve learned that everything is a process, so accept the ebbs and flows. I’ve learned that you don’t have to possess a lot to be generous and a place is not a home without people you love to be around. I’ve learned to shift my perspectives and frameworks to be able to recognize when a problem is just not that bad. I’d love to be able to say that every time running water comes out of the sink and the a/c turns on, I feel appreciative. But I don’t. The enormity of what we have in America makes it so easy to forget the little things. Quite often I forget to pause, look around, realize my problems are not really problems, and that I have everything at my finger tips to be happy.
I learned so much more than what’s here, compressed and wrapped in tidy paragraph bows. I learned from the people who moved me and the moments that thrilled me, but my experience wasn’t about what I can sum up nicely. I’m still learning, because everything is always changing and you have to be willing to change yourself.
Act III: The World (caveat - it's just a preview)
I look around and see how the world could be a better place. But by better, I mean more equitable and kind. Am I telling you to do anything or change any behavior? NOPE! Everyone has to make decisions that make them happy (each to their own)! I’m just talking about myself and how a year and half in India has helped me figure out what I need to do to be happy…to be continued…
* This article is a great example of the similarity of experiences because I felt EXACTLY like the author in Mumbai
